Last night was a night of the storm. My ego and bad temper screamed like a roaring lion and I hurt my husband so badly. It was just terrible. But the most terrible thing was that I've done all of these with a prayer veil--a biblical symbol which signifies the reverence to God and obedience to our husbands--on my head! Satan then triumphantly whispered to my ear and said; You see, this is your real figure. Isn't so hypocritical for you to write many articles on headcovering/biblical submission while you yourself are not living up to what you've written or said?
I was crushed and depressed. I could hardly sleep. And it seemed to me that there was no one on this whole earth who could understand my current struggles. No one? Oh, no. My headcovering sisters! Yes, I have them! So I wrote emails to some of our covering sisters and honestly confessed my struggles and sins in front of them. Here is a reply message from one of my dears.
Also, this is a perfect example of how important the headcovering symbol really is; it reminds us of our duty and calling, beckoning us forward and upward to a higher standard, to more holy living. It is used of God to convict us of our sinful tendencies, and helps us see where we are not living according to His will for us. This has been my experience, when I have not lived up to the meaning of the headcovering to my shame.
I bring my soul to thee;
break it, wound it, bend it, mould it.
Unmask to me sin’s deformity,
that I may hate it, abhor it, flee from it.
Grant that through the tears of repentance
I may see more clearly the brightness
and glories of the saving cross.
-from The puritan prayers and devotions
Dear headcovering sisters, if you want to join our HCM community and pray, please visit this page. Jessica and I will interact with you.