For to me, to live is Christ,, Phil.1:21
from the Diary of David Brainerd
22 May, 1746
But now these thoughts seem to be wholly
dashed to pieces; not by necessity, but of choice: for it appeared to me, that
God's dealings towards me had fitted me for a life of solitariness and
hardship; and that I had nothing to lose, nothing to do with earth, and
consequently nothing to lose by a total renunciation of it.
It appeared to me just right, that I should be destitute of house and home, and many comforts of life, which I rejoiced to see others of God's people enjoy.
,,and sure I am, that although the
comfortable accommodations of life appeared valuable and dear to me, yet I did surrender
and resign myself, soul and body, to the service of God, and promotion of
Christ's kingdom: though it should be in the loss of them all.
It appeared to me just right, that I should be destitute of house and home, and many comforts of life, which I rejoiced to see others of God's people enjoy.
And at the same time, I saw so much of the
excellency of Christ's kingdom, and the infinite desirableness of its
advancement in the world, that it swallowed up all my other thoughts; and made
me willing, yea, even rejoice, to be made a pilgrim or hermit in the
wilderness, to my dying moment, if I might thereby promote the blessed interest
of the great Redeemer.
And if ever my soul presented itself to God
for his service, without any reserve of any kind, it did so now. The language
of my thoughts an disposition now was, `Here I am, Lord, send me; send me to
the ends of the earth; send me to the rough, the savage pagans of the wilderness;
send me from all that is called comfort in earth, or earthly comfort; send me
even to death itself, if it be but in thy service, and to promote thy kingdom.'
And I could not do any other, because I
could not will or choose any other. I was constrained, and yet chose, to say,
`Farewell, friends and earthly comforts,
the dearest of them all, the very dearest, if the Lord calls for it; adieu,
adieu; I will spend my life, to my latest moments, in caves and dens of the
earth, if the kingdom of Christ may thereby be advanced.' I found extraordinary
freedom at this time in pouring out my soul to God, for his cause;
Prayer:
Lord, let me burn out for Thee and Thy Kingdom! In Jesus' name. Amen.
